I Was Burned...

...but i call it a lesson learned

so, the summer romance i spoke of before was just that, & it faded just as the heat did. J told me to stop talkin to him & that it was just gona upset me in the end, but of course i didnt listen. & i guess i shouldnt have anyway bcuz life is about making your own decisions and learning from your own mistakes right?

well, all of the signs were there: failure to commit, keeping it on the DL, always being sneeky, always making me commute. so those all should have been red flags for me but i wanted to believe that it was just my imagination & that he had trust issues when the real problem was that he was a player & thought he could get everything he wanted out of me.

he did get some things out of me, but he knew how deeply i felt and how to push the right buttons and manipulate me into waiting on his ass hand and foot. because im just that type of person, i try to make everyone else happy without thinking of whats going to make me happy, and if my actions toward everyone else are going to end up affecting me in a negative way....but i guess i just want people to be the best they can be, and i want to stick around to see them accomplish what i know they have the potential for. and i want the best for everyone that i care about. 

and oh did i care for him, i still do & dont want to see anything happen to him or his son (who i absolutely adore btw)

but i was severely taken advantage of. and now im stuck wondering, again, what is wrong with me.  when there really isnt anything wrong with me, i just seem to be attracted to these idiotic, unmotivated beef heads who think that they can control and dominate women just because thats how it was 100 years ago. but not this woman, and not anymore. im going to get my life on track and make something of myself, and next year when i am fully accomplished and you are still stuck in the same spot in life doing nothing with yourself you'll be sorry you didnt let me rub off on you, and you'll be sorry that u let me slip away, cuz hunny, there arent many out here like me. there are a few, but we are few and far between...

i am done for the night i guess, time to take a bubble bath and let my problems float away

until next time
xoxo,
SayyDeeGee